Father’s Day is coming.
Next Sunday, most people will be celebrating those special men in their lives. For many of us, one of those men is our husband and while that’s all well and good, a deeper question to ponder as we embark on this day of tribute is, “are we making our men feel special every day or just on this one day of the year when society says we should?”
In my business, I lead a Partnership Group for spouses and/or significant others. And what I found is that there are women who think they know what “honoring” their husband entails, but a few of them are actually missing the mark. (Remember, it’s always easier to “vent” to an unbiased third party which is how I find these things out directly and indirectly from men both “in” and “out” of our business!) You don’t have to shower him with gifts or sound the trumpet and bow down every time he walks in the door to show him you appreciate him. But there are some simple things you could be doing that perhaps you aren’t because you don’t know how. So let’s examine a few:
Praise him when he does the things that you want/have asked even if it’s as small as taking out the trash rather than focusing on the fact that even though the garbage is out he still didn’t pick up his socks.
Leave him love notes in his briefcase or somewhere he will find when you’re not around telling him how you feel about him. Be specific! (Or if you want to spice it up, tell him what you’d like to do later on!)
Don’t shoot him (or his ideas) down! He will tune you out eventually and resent your lack of support. This could lead to him seeking support ELSEWHERE!
According to the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, “presently 40 percent of first marriages in this country end in divorce. Sixty percent of second marriages and 75 percent of third marriages end the same way.” Guess those who jump ship and try again aren’t having any better luck the next time around either. Why is that? Well, for starters, we each enter holy matrimony coming from a different background and possessing a different personality. And let’s face it, ladies, a lot of us brought with us our “emotional baggage”. We also have certain expectations, ways of doing things and opinions, but guess what? Our husbands may not share any of them! So what ends up happening? Conflict. The questions is, “How do you resolve yours?” Are you the “negative Nelly” type who nags constantly until he agrees with your way of thinking? Are you the “silent treatment” girl when he doesn’t do the things you want? Or do you give the “my way or the highway” ultimatum? What does any of this accomplish? Yeah, you get your way when he gives in, but what does HE get? And here’s a thought…what exactly is that display of behavior teaching your children (especially your young, impressionable daughters) is an acceptable way to treat a husband when they have one? (Or worse, what are you teaching your sons about what kind of wife they should choose since men often marry women who have similar traits to their mothers? YIKES!) Whether you want to admit it or not, they are watching your every move and picking up social cues from you. That’s exactly why the Bible says, “Train up a child in the way that he should go and he shall not depart from it.” (i.e. It’s going to be kind of hard to depart from “cussin’ and fussin’” if that’s what you’ve seen growing up.)
We have to learn to pick our battles wisely and more importantly, we must learn the art of “compromise”. If he feels like you value what he has to say and what he thinks, it shows him that you truly respect him. Think about it…if you treated your boss the way you sometimes treat your husband you might not have a job anymore! So as this Father’s Day approaches, ladies, reflect on your husband…yes, the good, the bad, and the ugly. This is the man with whom you said, “For better or for worse”. Show them you mean it!