-by Lyrik08, who continues her 3-part series on Love, Weddings, & Marriage
Part II – Weddings
You want your ceremony in a large chapel, reception in the grand ballroom at the Ritz with 400 of your “closest” friends and family.
He’s thinking of a small ceremony with just your 50 closest friends and family.
What do you do?
Are you willing to risk being with the man of your dreams in order to plan the wedding of your dreams?
Try to avoid the mid planning argument where your fiancé says he doesn’t like any of the plans you’ve made over the last five months. Make sure to sit down together and get a feel of what his ideas are for his special day. Remember, this is not just YOUR day, no matter what everyone tells you.
Make sure to at least ask your mate if he has any opinions. He may say, “Whatever you want, babe.” Or, you may just be surprised that he has a lot of great ideas.
Some questions to ask your partner and open the dialogue before you call up the wedding planner and get the wedding ball rolling, because once it starts, it can be hard to bring that puppy to a halt:
What type of wedding do you want? Location?
What colors do you like?
How many people?
So where do you draw the line? How do you deal when you so badly want the 10 stretch limos and he’s thinking of just renting a sports car to drive the two of you away?
Compromise, Compromise, Compromise. 
Here is your chance to practice something you’ll use far beyond the wedding.
Meet each other half way. If he says east and you say west, maybe you can settle for the middle of the map. He wants steak you want salmon. Maybe if you cut back to 200 people instead of 400 you can have both.
Stop and look at the list of things you have as very important to your day. Ask yourself, "Will I look back on this day and be devastated that I didn't have XYZ and is it worth an argument?" I'm almost positive you'll knock a few things off your list if you know it will make your fiance more comfortable.
I’m not saying this is an easy process but you don’t want to alienate your future husband or make him so uncomfortable that he gets spooked.
The biggest thing to remember is that the wedding is just a day… the marriage is a lifetime.
Stay tuned.....part III - Marriage
Wedding vs. Marriage
A True Celebration of Father's Day
-by Pocahontas
Father’s Day is coming.
Next Sunday, most people will be celebrating those special men in their lives. For many of us, one of those men is our husband and while that’s all well and good, a deeper question to ponder as we embark on this day of tribute is, “are we making our men feel special every day or just on this one day of the year when society says we should?”
In my business, I lead a Partnership Group for spouses and/or significant others. And what I found is that there are women who think they know what “honoring” their husband entails, but a few of them are actually missing the mark. (Remember, it’s always easier to “vent” to an unbiased third party which is how I find these things out directly and indirectly from men both “in” and “out” of our business!) You don’t have to shower him with gifts or sound the trumpet and bow down every time he walks in the door to show him you appreciate him. But there are some simple things you could be doing that perhaps you aren’t because you don’t know how. So let’s examine a few:
Praise him when he does the things that you want/have asked even if it’s as small as taking out the trash rather than focusing on the fact that even though the garbage is out he still didn’t pick up his socks.
Leave him love notes in his briefcase or somewhere he will find when you’re not around telling him how you feel about him. Be specific! (Or if you want to spice it up, tell him what you’d like to do later on!)
Don’t shoot him (or his ideas) down! He will tune you out eventually and resent your lack of support. This could lead to him seeking support ELSEWHERE!
According to the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, “presently 40 percent of first marriages in this country end in divorce. Sixty percent of second marriages and 75 percent of third marriages end the same way.” Guess those who jump ship and try again aren’t having any better luck the next time around either. Why is that? Well, for starters, we each enter holy matrimony coming from a different background and possessing a different personality. And let’s face it, ladies, a lot of us brought with us our “emotional baggage”. We also have certain expectations, ways of doing things and opinions, but guess what? Our husbands may not share any of them! So what ends up happening? Conflict. The questions is, “How do you resolve yours?” Are you the “negative Nelly” type who nags constantly until he agrees with your way of thinking? Are you the “silent treatment” girl when he doesn’t do the things you want? Or do you give the “my way or the highway” ultimatum? What does any of this accomplish? Yeah, you get your way when he gives in, but what does HE get? And here’s a thought…what exactly is that display of behavior teaching your children (especially your young, impressionable daughters) is an acceptable way to treat a husband when they have one? (Or worse, what are you teaching your sons about what kind of wife they should choose since men often marry women who have similar traits to their mothers? YIKES!) Whether you want to admit it or not, they are watching your every move and picking up social cues from you. That’s exactly why the Bible says, “Train up a child in the way that he should go and he shall not depart from it.” (i.e. It’s going to be kind of hard to depart from “cussin’ and fussin’” if that’s what you’ve seen growing up.)
We have to learn to pick our battles wisely and more importantly, we must learn the art of “compromise”. If he feels like you value what he has to say and what he thinks, it shows him that you truly respect him. Think about it…if you treated your boss the way you sometimes treat your husband you might not have a job anymore! So as this Father’s Day approaches, ladies, reflect on your husband…yes, the good, the bad, and the ugly. This is the man with whom you said, “For better or for worse”. Show them you mean it!
Because Sometimes It Snows In April
-by Michelle Gay
Sometimes it snows in April
Sometimes it snows in April
Sometimes I feel so bad
Sometimes I wish that life was never ending
But all good things, they say, never last….Prince
Recently in NYC, two construction workers lost their lives in a tragic accident. The headlines the next day screamed how one of the victims was scheduled to get married in 3 weeks. Instead of relaxing and enjoying the fruits of her planning, there is a bride to be out there who is now facing the unthinkable – burying her fiancé while publicly accepting the reality that what was once in her grasp is now gone and the life she envisioned has irrevocably changed.
Living in NYC unfortunately this is not the first time this has happened. In the fall of 2006, Nicole Paultre Bell’s fiancé was killed just hours before their scheduled wedding. On a larger scale, I still remember that September 11th started out as a bright beautiful fall day that in an instant changed many individual lives permanently.
No one wants to think about the “what if” – especially while planning a wedding. Some people still believe just talking about “it” – be it death, illness or natural disasters is akin to “tempting fate”. However as any planner knows you don’t wait until the Titanic leaves to decide perhaps it would be a good idea to take swimming lessons.
Your engagement period is a time of planning. Couples should be both planning for their wedding and also discussing the important issues-good and bad-that may arise during their marriage. Remember as you take this step your partner is about to become your next of kin and it behooves you both to review what your wishes are before becoming each others legal guardian. Once you’ve talked about it you have to take the next step & put it in writing. The middle of a crisis is not the time for your partner to debate with your grieving family your desire not to accept life support or to donate an organ. We have become a transitory society – do you want to be buried in your family plot (in Hometown USA ) or do you want to be cremated? Have you started to attend Baptist church & your religiously casual family will balk at having a formal service? Are you an organ donor? Does your partner know that? What measures do you want taken in the event of an emergency? If your partner is unwilling/or unable to make these decisions who do you want to name as your medical proxy? For those already married have you updated your wills & insurance policies to name your partner as the beneficiary? If you have children have you outlined your wishes in writing for who will be guardian (both physical custody and financial custody) in case the unthinkable happens?
The point of this post is not to make you feel bad but public tragedies can serve as a somber reminder to make the time to have that discussion now.
Hopefully your envelope of wishes won’t be opened for another 70 years but as the Nationwide commercial says “Life comes at you fast”. My question to you is are you ready for it?
Michelle Gay has worked as a wedding planner for the past seven years in NYC.
What is love?
-by Lyrik08
I’m home from seeing Sex in the City with 3 of my friends. I must admit, besides the usual Carrie fever you get from watching the four friends take on New York, and of course the SEX part of the city, this movie actually seems to delve into the HEART of the city.
Since there is no “tune in next week to see what’s going on with the ladies”, the movie has to take you to a few places in about 2 hours and 15 minutes. As I caught up on the lives of Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda I thought about a few things: Love, Weddings, Marriage and Forgiveness
Let’s just say this is a 4-part blog. 
LOVE.
What exactly does the word mean? Well, there are several meanings. We’ll take a collective meaning from Oxford and Webster: Love represents a range of human emotions and experiences related to the senses of affection and sexual attraction.
So what does that mean? I took a look at some of the best “love” songs and moments over the years to get a better idea of what love is and should be.
Al Green once crooned that, “Love will make you do wrong, make you do right.”
Sade said, “Love is stronger than pride.”
Chrisette Michelle told us, “Love is kind when the world is cold, love stays strong when the fight gets old.”
In Boomerang a heated Halle Berry yelled, “Love is not some kind of disease you just catch.”
And my girl Tamia had a song called Me where she realized, “loving you and loving me, just don’t seem to work at all.” 
Love is more complex than its four letters. It’s not a fad, but a true set of emotions felt differently by everyone. It has its ups and downs. You’ll have moments when you’re sick of it, when you’ll wish you never encountered it and when you’ll realize why it can hurt so bad, but then feel so good.
Love makes you compromise and even concede though you may know you’re right. But love should never make you change who you are. You should never consume yourself so much with loving someone else that you forget to love yourself. Never make exceptions for someone who is truly not loving you the way YOU deserve to be loved. Don’t be so in love with being in love that you settle for just any kind of love.
I think Musiq Soulchild said it best in his song appropriately entitled Love, “for better or worse I still will choose you first.”
Make sure your love is the best love you can give and receive—you’ll love yourself for it.
Stay tuned for part II – Weddings.
