Wow. Now this guy has really put his foot in it.
No, not that little guy up there.
This guy, here---> 
We don't know whether he's right or wrong but a lot of people seem to feel he's overstepped his bounds. The short story is that Dr. Alan Singer is advising parents to tell their adult children not to put off having children. He says this "trend" of people marrying later has led to delayed childbearing, which has led to fertility problems, which has lead to more pre-term births and caesarian sections, or even infertility. There's more (MUCH more) on his website.
Our experience has been that people often put off child-bearing because, uh... they're not married yet, they can't afford it, or they feel they aren't emotionally ready. Still... does the good doctor have a point? Should newlyweds who want children get on the ball right after tying the knot? Tell us what you think in our comments section.
Delayed Childbearing A Bad Idea?
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3 comments:
Uh oh. As someone who waited until a later age to marry and have my first child, I do believe the good doctor has a point. For one thing, I was extremely blessed not to have had fertility issues, but if I had, it would have been so much better to know that before it was nearly too late.
Throughout my pregnancy I carried the dreaded "advanced maternal age" stamp, and while I thought a lot of the extra attention and high risk status was unnecessary, now that my child is nearly 10 months old, my body STILL feels like it's paying for that advanced maternal age status.
Am I glad that I am older/wiser? Sure. But, struggling through this first year of new mommyhood while still being newlyweds, I have to wonder if it's any easier/better now than it would have been if I were 25.
Thanks for the shout-out on a topic that I care about deeply. It breaks my heart that there are 1 million divorces in the US each year. I believe that the consequesces of delayed childbearing (infertility, multiple births, pre-term babies) put terrible stress on marriages. In my column, I encourage parents, who are approached by their adult children who want to delay children, to speak up and tell them the consequences of choosing to delay.
I hope your readers will look at the full text on my website and enter into the discussion.
If one marriage is saved, it will be SO worth it!
Dr. Alan Singer
www.FamilyThinking.com
I'm 31 and childless because I haven't found a marriage partner. I wish I could have started a family by now but I will not bear a child out of wedlock. I try not to panic or put pressure on myself as that is unproductive. However, the REALITY is that women don't have forever to have kids, especially healthy ones that are easy to conceive. Biology is the bottom line and the those who decide to wait but are unable to reconcile themselves to the fact that childbearing may NEVER happen if they wait too long put themselves in a real trick bag.
I'm all for being ready to have children, but if you're 40 and not ready yet, in all likelihood your eggs have gotten tired of waiting and called it quits. Assisted reproduction options are expanding but they are expensive and unlikely to be covered by insurance. Also, don't let Hollywood fool you, success rates are modest. You could be out of hundreds of thousands of dollars and the cradle may still be empty.
If you do succeed, sickly multiples and kids with genetic defects are more common as parents age and/or use assisted reproduction. I know more than one late life mom trying to care for a Down's Syndrome child who will never be independent, fund a retirement, and figure out who will care for the child when they die.
People have to make their own decisions about life and childbearing (it is their RIGHT), but I see nothing wrong with this man pointing out the obvious facts of life that don't go away just because they are inconvenient! For those in stable relationships with reasonably secure finances, it is best to consider ALL of the factors that weigh into the decision to start a family and in many cases honest assessment will favor starting earlier to head off problems down the road.
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