Whew! Nothing like a smidge of controversy to set off the weekend. Every now and then we have to take a little break from the "pretty" to look at issues that seem to strike a chord with readers. The Essence.com article called
Balancing Act: I Waited Until He Was Ready To Wed tells the story of an accomplished woman named Dawn who says she waited (and pleaded) with her man for 17 years to make her his wife - even after they moved in together, "meshed their finances", and had a child. Well, you can see by the comments that many people do not see a happy ending here. The discussion carries over to Twitter and Facebook with more than one woman saying she would tell Dawn's story to her daughter as an example of what NOT to do. Ouch!
But, what do you think? Was Dawn's situation a test of faith or a waste of time? Do you know any similar couples? If so, how are they doing?
I Waited Until My Man Was Ready: Faith or Farce?
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3 comments:
Giving a woman like Dawn the benefit of the doubt, I would say that it depends on what she's waiting on. Was he completely honest and said from the beginning that he isn't interested in being married and you are making a conscious choice to remain in the relationship? Or is he dangling marriage in front of you like bait on a hook while he plays around and does what he wants to do.
Either way, I couldn't wait that long. Too many fish in the sea.
It just seems from what was said about the situation that this guy was able to prolong or put off marriage because he got to live and do everything that typifies a marriage without having to take that step. This is not a judgement but just a question- why would you move in with a man, have children with him, intertwine your money if you had no hope for what you want on the horizon? Is it possible that she just loved him and the actual part about being married was not as important? I told my fiance that I would not live with him if we were not engaged. That was partly because I knew to do so, I would be the one moving due to job circumstances. I did not see that as pressure at all. I did not ask for some big ring. I did not ask for some grand proposal. At the end of the day, though, if a man wants to get married, he will let you know and he will really make it happen. But sometimes, some guys need to understand in a real way that your life and time is important to you and you won't give everything without something too. Everybody is different and everybody wants different things. But if a man really feels like you are the one, he will make it happen (this is generally speaking, and my experience). Most women think "why would he have children with me and meld his finances with mine and live with me if he does not want to marry my?" Because that is how WE think. But men can and will do all then then leave us if they find something better...and marry her! It does not always happen but if I were that lady I would feel like he was dragging me out, waiting to make sure he didn't find what he was really looking for.
Ok, this response is officially too long! Hope it makes some sense.
You'd haft to look at this situation from both sides. On one hand, this man didn't haft to make the decision to get married at a time in which he didn't want to. On the other hand, she didn't haft to hang around for as long as she did knowing she wanted to be married.
While reading the article, she really had no choice but to wait until he was ready because he didn't budge on what he wanted, but she did by staying with him even though her desire wasn't being fulfilled until he decided to fulfill it. Some may criticize this man, but she could've left the relationship at anytime but she decided to stay. He made it clear that he wouldn't get married until he was ready.
Someone on the site contributed desperation to her willing to wait so long for him to marry her. I don't know if she was desperate, but he wasn't.
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