Family & Friends: When They're Helpful, When They Aren't

- Lisa of Elegant Event Design

Many couples are struggling with the fact that they want to cut down on costs, but still have the wedding of their dreams. How do you find the balance?

Through the years, I have seen instances of couples using friends or family members to take photographs, shoot video, DJ, arrange flowers, bake the cake/cupcakes, and plan/execute the wedding day. In all cases, the couple had unrealistic expectations of what the free, or reduced cost, help would get them. The work of family and friends do not substitute that of a professional, someone who makes weddings their business. Weddings are large events that are very difficult to execute. This is why there are professionals to help you through the process. I said it before, and I will say it again - time is money, and stress is even more money. I have seen instances where the well meaning friend or family members have caused the Bride and Groom more undue stress and worry, not only prior to the event, but on the day itself.

I have seen instances where the Bride and Groom used a friend to DJ. The couple had to be concerned with getting the DJ equipment to and from the site, helping the DJ set up during the cocktail hour that they should have been enjoying, and then concerning themselves during the wedding because the DJ did not know anything about weddings. There was the aunt who worked at a bakery and wanted to make the wedding cake. She got the cake into the site, but then it fell over and crashed into a million pieces when she was trying to set it up. In many occasions, the couple had enlisted family members to help them with the day of events - help with programs, guest book, place cards, etc. In many cases, I knew they were supposed to be present, because I had them in the timeline and talked to them prior to the ceremony. For some reason, they are nowhere to be found when it’s time for them to perform their duties. Had we not been there, I am not sure what the Bride and Groom would have done. Then, there was the case where the Bride hired a friend to take her pictures. In the beginning it was nice to think about saving a little money. When she was crying over her pictures, a little money saved was not worth it.

Why should you have to worry about how your cake is going to make it to the right place? Why should you worry about how the flowers that your Mother’s friend made will get to the reception site, and set up properly on your wedding day? There are wonderful vendors in all budget categories; the trick is being able to weed them out of, what seems to be like, the endless wedding pool.

It’s really nice of well-meaning friends and family members to offer to help you on your special day. In the end, you get one shot to get it right. Why gamble?