Getting Through the First 5 Years

Insight from a Wedding Planner
by Lisa R. Nelson

As much as I would like to say that the wedding is the most important thing, it’s not. The wedding is only the beginning. The planning is fun. The dreaming is fun. The idea of your family and friends in one place is fun. I suppose a wedding is a good start, because it teaches the couple how to work together.

Well, once the fairytale is over – life starts anew. What happens when all the excitement of the wedding and honeymoon wears down? Life – and sometimes it’s not too pretty. Let's talk about marriage. After all, that’s what we are all doing here, yes? You are working towards the ultimate goal of spending your life with the person you love and I am helping you to take the first step. I still believe in the dream of the fairytale marriage. The magical “happily ever after”. Can it happen? I don’t know. I’ve been married for 6.5 years…and I am still hoping for mine.

What is the secret? I wish someone could tell me. In my case, none of the people in my life had their “happily ever after”. That’s what progress is about. You are supposed to do better than your parents. Part of being married is being able to work together as a team...a strong united front (this really helps when you have kids). Having someone who knows who you are - deeply and completely - and someone you who can truly be yourself with is a gift. If you can across a table from your partner without saying a word and feel totally comfortable – you are golden!

I think the most important thing is not lose yourself. The ole’ “Ball and Chain” is definitely OUT in 2009. Yes, I do agree that the wedding ceremony unites you. This is true. But, you were your own self before the marriage and you continue to be yourself after the marriage. It’s important that you maintain your identity and friendships and are able to go out, or stay in, and be your own person.

Communication is clearly important, as well. But, honestly, sometimes you just don’t want to talk. I will admit that effective communication can be difficult to pull off, especially when discussing an emotional topic, but in the end it’s worth it!

So…there you go. My secret to lasting the first 5 years of marriage. 10 years? I don’t know. I’m not an expert yet. Perhaps I will write another blog in 3.5 years and share my secrets.