Thanksgiving Rules 0f 2009

Just for Chuckles. Mostly.
Submitted by HitOrMiss65

1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it?"

2. If you are in any way physically challenged, sit your self down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on those pecans and walnuts over there to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.

3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little behinds to the table and direct them where to sit. They are to sit in the family room watching television until I tell them it's OK to move.

4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! The time limit for the prayer is one minute.

5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy self home next year!

6. BRING YOUR OWN FOOD CONTAINER!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my CONTAINERS knowing that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring any FOOD over, don't let me catch you making a TO GO period or WE will HAVE A BIG misunderstanding.

7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. Don't let me catch you rolling in a Coleman cooler to take more than your share. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!

8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call Child Welfare Services.

9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your self home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT 10:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to ________ and his greedy family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO AMERICAN EXPRESS OR DEBIT CARDS... YET!